Once again, we are going to talk about relapse. Why you may ask? Because it is too common of an occurrence in the fellowship. I have heard some crazy excuses for someone relapsing. I have heard that “relapse is part of recovery.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Relapse is part of a relapse. It’s as if someone wanted to take the edge off of a severe issue. For chronic relapses, I have never heard any of them say that they had a good time while drinking and using again. This is assuming that the individual makes it back to the fellowship and program before it is too late. There are no guarantees that one will make it back. I also hear people say that the door swings both ways, in and out. This may not be the case; sometimes it is as if the door is nailed shut. I have had friends in the fellowship who could just not stay sober. Years have gone by and they are still looking for the ease and comfort that comes at once when using and drinking. Sadly, to say this sensation is not able to be achieved. They have built up a tolerance level for the substance they are taking. Based on this they are unable to consume the right quantity of drugs and alcohol for the desired results. This leads to major frustration and despair as it appears that their best friend has turned on them.
Then I heard one say “I need a little wiggle room in my recovery, I’m not perfect. Wiggle Room!!! Does this mean that the person reserves the right to go in and out as they please? I have looked and looked and haven’t seen any type of wiggle room mentioned in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. As far as perfection goes the only
perfect thing, I do is not pick up a drink with the help of the Higher Power. So, you see that it is not even me that keeps me sober. Sorry to all the drunkards who say that the 12-step program does not work. It works if you work it. And it works very well for most of us.
Alcohols outside of the fellowship at times think we are kooky, or at least weird. They brush us off with comments such as “oh they go to that meeting hall, smoke cigarettes, and drink coffee.” I’d much rather drink and smoke (don’t smoke anymore) than be drunk. As for being weird, I agree I am weird. It is very weird for an alcoholic to be sober. Well, I’d rather be considered kooky and weird than a drunk. There are no guarantees that if you drink and use again you will make it back into the program. In the beginning, I was sober out of fear. I was afraid of what would happen to me if I drank again. I’m now 37 years sober and very grateful. I am no longer sober out of fear. I am sober by the grace, love, and mercy of my Higher Power who I have no choice but to call God.