What If?

- February 14, 2023

I have often wondered if something so terrible could happen where I would relapse with drugs and alcohol.  Something such as my daughter being seriously injured or my mom passing away.  Those are my big two what ifs.  Well recently the phone rang on a Sunday and it was the hospital calling me to tell me I had better come quickly as my mother was seriously ill.  Well I fumbled around looking for shoes and car keys and headed off to the local hospital.  I got there and went up to her room.

I was informed by the nurse as to the extent of her illness.  It did not sound good, and the prognosis was dim.  So, all I could do was sit by her bedside and pray.  I am not a good bedside sitter and the hospital creeps me out.  I get fidgety and want answers right now.  But I had to just take deep breaths and sit by her bedside for several hours.  I was powerless and there was nothing I could do.  I did make some phone calls and got the Catholic Christians, Coptic Christians, Protestants, some Evangelicals and Rastafarians praying for her.

I sat by her bed for four days.  On Thursday the doctor said that she had recovered enough to be sent to a skilled nursing facility for rehabilitation.  I was dumbfounded!  In five days, we went from knocking on heavens door to rehab.  There was no earthly explanation for this swift recovery.  The prayers were heard and answered.  This was truly a miracle of healing.  I was so grateful that I could hardly stand it.  God truly healed her and he did it very quickly.  

So, the what if is that it occurred to me that it did not occur to me to drink and use during this situation.  Mind you my mother and I have had our spats and differences throughout the years.  She can be stubborn and very feisty (wonder where I got it from).  But at this point in time all I knew was that my mother was in the process of recovering from a life=threatening illness.  What a gift to not even think of drinking or using.  You may say “yes but you have long term sobriety.”  That’s true but I tell you when the phone rings with that call everything goes out the window.  It’s hard to drive while wearing reading glasses I discovered.  It was also hard to find two matching tennis shoes in my collection when that call comes in.  

I was brought to my knees with gratitude for my mom’s recovery and for my sobriety.  Without the sobriety I would probably be locked up for fighting with a nurse or doctor.  And probably in the psyche ward too.  But by the grace, mercy and love of a Higher Power that I have no choice but to call God, my mom is recovering and I am sober.  I am able to visit her in the rehab and she doesn’t have to wonder if I will come in drunk.  That’s just not on the radar anymore.  I give all the credit to God.  

Written by Phillip