About 8 days ago I lost my mother to a painful, prolonged illness. She spent most of her time in her home, until she was hospitalized and then had to go to rehab for ambulatory issues. It was just too painful for her to go out. She had always been a woman on the go and it was very sad to watch her decline. What does this have to do with a Blog on a sober website? Well for starters I didn’t drink or even think about drinking during the first few days after her death. This in itself is a miracle for an alcoholic like me.
Don’t get me wrong now but I loved my mother, and I am still very sad. My spiritual director tells me that the pain may go on for a while. He stated that there is something about losing your mother that is different from losing other relatives or loved ones. I think he is very right on that one! This woman gave me life and took care of me. She took silly pictures of me when I was a baby. I remember her carrying me to the babysitter’s house when I was four years old. And I remember the Halloween costumes she put together for me.
Now don’t get me wrong but we had a contentious relationship starting when I was about 13 years old. I began to rebel at her rules and regulations that I was supposed to follow. I think age 13-14 is about the right age when the rebellion kicks in for an adolescent. I started sneaking around and drinking alcohol and using marijuana. She never caught me however, but I think she knew I was up to no good. She was very good at parenting toddlers and the 6 to 11 crowd. But when my two brothers and I got into the adolescent stage she appeared to be at a loss. My father was little to no help to her when it came to raising children. So, she was on her own and did the best with what she had to work with.
My solution to family problems was to turn myself into an alcoholic and a drug addict. By the time I was 16 years of age I had accomplished my goal. I barely graduated high school and that was because there was a 6-week teacher’s strike near the end of my final semester. My crew and I would meet up at school in the morning and head off to a place like Venice Beach. So basically we didn’t have to go to school those last six weeks of the semester. We just had to check in and then we were on our own. None of us told our parents about the activities we participated in during the strike. We would just ho home and complain how boring the school day had mind. Never mind that we had been smoking marijuana at Venice Beach for most of the day! I would say she was a good mother based on what she had to work with which was my father and 3 habitually rebellious children.
I miss her so. After she passed and we got the dreaded phone call we went to the rehab center where she was. I walked in and sat by her bed for about an hour, stone, cold sober. She looked about 30 years younger, and her eyes were closed. I placed my hand on her arm and my other hand on her forehead. I am so grateful for this time I had with her all alone. The rest of the family members did not want to see her in death. That is understandable.
So now I have lost both my mother and father in sobriety. And we don’t drink no matter what. This is proof that I have experienced an entire psychic change. And for that I am forever grateful.