The 12 promises of the recovery program include the following promise: we will comprehend the word peace and we will know serenity. This may sound strange but in the beginning of my recovery I just could not comprehend this promise. It seems what was going on for me was that I was confusing boredom with serenity! I had been living such a life of chaos and turmoil that it was difficult for me to embrace serenity and peace. I had to learn to do this, and I did so in a short period of time.
As addicts we end up living a life of chaos beyond imagining. Everything takes on a dramatic flair and keeps us on edge. We are unable to relax except when passed out due to substance use. Even then we are not at a time when we can truly relax substance free. I know for myself that there was one time that I didn’t have to drink or use. That was when I went fishing. Sounds very strange, doesn’t it? I could fish all day and not even have a thought about using. However, the minute we got in the car to return home the craving started to overcome me. I couldn’t wait to get to the liquor cabinet.
How is it that even while in active addiction I could find some peace and serenity by going fishing? I don’t need to go fishing any longer to have the feelings of serenity and peace come over me. The feelings can be there no matter what is going on. I can be the calm ship in the middle of the storm. The only thing that I can attribute this to is the fact that I have worked all 12 Steps and applied them to my life. There is no other explanation that I can come up with.
Being peaceful and serene as we go about our life is an awesome thing. It’s more like a state of being than anything else. We are able to handle situations that uses to baffle us. These are not hard things to incorporate into your life. By working the program, they seem to appear automatically. I adjusted quite well to my mistaken feeling of boredom. In fact, I have now learned to identify most of my feelings. This helps me to stay out of the chaos when it crops up. I can be the voice of reason when in a group situation that has turned chaotic. Hopefully I can help others to regain their serenity and peace.